Thursday, August 5, 2010

Black Women, Broaden Your Horizons, Expand Your Options

I was thinking about this all month since I posted. I think that we as black women are too narrow-minded when it comes to people, places, and things. All we think about is what pertains to anything that's predominately black to the point where we miss out on opportunities that may not be based on black culture. I believe that expanding your options is more healthier than being limited to just one thing. Expanding your options makes life fun and exciting. It helps you learn more about the world around you instead of what pertains to just black people. Black men have no problem expanding their options when it comes to the type of woman they like, what type of music they like, what type of places they go to, or what have you. Black women, on the other hand, are taught to embrace everything that's predominately black. We weren't taught to expand our options when it comes to men, music, places, events, etc. We were taught to date and marry black men ONLY, listen to black music ONLY, go to black events ONLY, and go to black churches ONLY, etc. It's like if a black woman steps out of the black culture and experiences things that's not pertain to the so-called black community, then she's a sellout while at the same time, a black man can get away with experimenting outside the so-called black community and not be called a sell-out. I'm going to give you an example of what I'm talking about:

As for me, I'm a music person as you can see by the other blog that I've created that's based totally on musical artists of all genres. Almost ten years ago, I was working at a factory in Upper Darby, and during lunchtime, I was listening to Sinead O'Connor's first album, The Lion and The Cobra, and a black guy was asking me what was I listening to, and I showed him some CDs to prove that I'm versatile. This guy had the nerve to say, "You're a black woman, you're not suppose to listen to white boy music". I got very offended about what he said. This was not the first time this happened. Last year, I went to the Sound Of Market in Philly, and I went to the pop/rock/easy listening/show tunes/vocal section upstairs so I can get a Barbra Streisand two-disc greatest hits CD. One black guy told me, "What are you doing here in a white section? What, you don't like black music? What, you don't like being black? Do you know any black artists that you can buy?" I just want to slap him in the face for saying that. Doesn't he even understand the history of music in America? Doesn't he know that black people started EVERY genre of music in this country? He didn't even know me. I'm a versatile person when it comes to music, and I'm just being me, an individual. This is what I have to go through.

A black woman who is an individual is a THREAT! They expect a black woman to limit herself to either negative stereotypes (Mammy, Jezebel, Sapphire) or anything and anyone that's predominately black. Black women who are individuals, don't pay any attention to those who are negative. Be who God created you to be, and keep on keeping on. If you want to expand your options in different races of men, then you have that right and don't let no one tell you that you don't have any rights simply because you're black and female. If you want to expand your options in your music collection, then go ahead. If you want to expand your options in your surroundings, then you can do it. The so-called black community doesn't have our best interests as black women anyway, and they HATE black women who are individuals. I guess they expect black women to be followers, supporters, mammies, sex slaves, and mules for a community that doesn't exist. There's so much more OUTSIDE the so-called black community that you can experience. You can go to an art museum that's in a diverse area. You can go to an opera concert. You can travel to places that you've never been to, you know, getting out of your comfort zone. You can take different languages to expand your bilingual skills. Trying something new is healthy. Getting out of your comfort zone is healthy. It's only when you limit yourself to one person, place, or thing that will make you miserable in life. Black women, expand your options in EVERYTHING!


  1. I have gotten looks and nasty remarks from black people directed at me for doing the following things.

    1. Eating sushi
    2. Being able to speak foreign languages
    3. Listening to rock, pop, and foreign music
    4. Bellydancing
    5. Doing yoga and meditation
    6. Able to play an instrument
    7. Not wearing ghetto fashions (no neon colors)
    8. Not frequenting black events
    9. Liking native american art/jewelry
    10. Reading a lot of books
    11. Visiting museums
    12. Not putting up with black men's bullshit!

    The list could go on and on you know how silly black folks can be when they don't understand something.

  2. I know, bellydancer, I've been through the same shit that you've been through. Some of my family members will tell me that I can't go to Whole Foods because it's expensive, and I should go to Cousins or Save-A-Lot. It's like we can afford to buy $100.00 pair of sneakers or an outfit but we can't afford something that's going to benefit our health. Oh, the agony! It's like, when a black woman does anything or date anybody that's OUTSIDE the so-called black community or black culture, she's a sell out bitch, but when a black man does it, they look at it as normal and him being an individual. It's like a black woman is not allow to be an individual in the so-called black community. She has to either stick to everything and everybody that's predominately black or stick to the negative stereotypes. I stay to myself most of the time, and I notice that when I been around non-black people, I can pretty much be myself, but around black folks, I have to be something that I'm not. I listen to all kinds of music from R&B to rock to pop to classical to gospel to jazz to dance to easy listening. I feel much better when I expand my options in EVERYTHING. When you limit yourself, you get bored and depressed, and I'm 33 years old, and I'm not ready for that.

  3. I hear you I stay away from certain members of my family who think just because I have a job, a 2 bedroom apt in a nice, white area (their words), can afford cable and grocery shop at Fresh Market, that I owe them something.
    When Obama was running for election this one older lady who worked in the same building as me was always going to the rallies and getting excited about Obama, she is older than me so to her it was something to be excited about I guess but I still had my doubts about him and said so well you would have thought I was going to kill a chicken the way she went off on me because I did not vote for him in the primary. I voted for Hilliary. This woman literally turned her back on me and walked away from because I did not vote they way she wanted me to vote.
    SMDH at black folks.
    People know they can pull the okay doke on us because we are too predictable as a people certain things set us off and others know that.
    I know it's safer to stay with the herd but sometimes the herd will follow the leader off a cliff! Not trying to do that.

  4. Welcome to blogosphere...
    A black woman who is an individual is a THREAT! They expect a black woman to limit herself to either negative stereotypes or anything and anyone that's all or predominately black. Black women who are individuals, don't pay any attention to those who are negative.

    I really believe we are perceived as a THREAT when we BW have our own thoughts and views. Not just by BM but by WW as well.

  5. Daughter of the First, I hear you. I think that BM and WW are threatened by a BW who has her own mind. They want us to be slaves. To tell you the truth, I expect WW to act the way they act. Women in general are always jealous of one another regardless of race, but it saddens me when BM treated us like shit. Yeah, not only individual BW are a threat to BM and WW, but by BM-indentified BW as well. Like I said, I don't have a lot of friends around here. I may live in a so-call BC, but when I go out, I don' hang around the neighborhood, I go OUT of the neighborhood and experience different things that I wouldn't experience within the so-called BC.

    I don't like it when my family tell me that I can't afford to go to Whole Foods just because I live in the hood. What's me living in the hood have anything to do with buying Whole Foods. Now I can see if I have children, but I don't have any children, and I don't want any either. I feel like this. If we can buy expensive clothes and shit, then we can afford to go to Whole Foods. I'm a little overweight, and I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy, and plus I have more energy when I was small.

    Even when I was a little girl, I never got along with black people. They think that I'm stupid, crazy, retarded because I don't do what other black kids or black folks do. I've always been the outsider, even within my own family. I like being to myself because I'm able to do the things that I want to do.

  6. Hello Nicole

    I believe that these 'corraling agents' are aware of the significance of bw having these non-traditional black choices. You see there is no way of determining that a bw is not 'on call' for her race, 'a handmaiden' and a woman who is absolutely dedicated to her race and will sacrifice even herself for it (a well kept secret is that this is the level of dedication which will ensure the BC continues for a little longer), to her own detriment excepet you note her activities which is a good indicator to if she is or isnt.

    bw who do tradtitional things are in the centre and grip of the black thought system, these men and women understand that a bw who listens to country and western or etc etc is exposed to other influences and is possibly 'to them' displaying that she is not absoultely entranced and captured within the centre of the black thought system, not to talk of the fact that other influences means that she is less likely to be taken in by the *&&% that most bw swallow hook line and sinker because she has other frames of references and other analysis available.

    bw are being farmed in a enclosure where those who want her can come for her when they need to take her rescources like sheep.

    these folk are thus 'mind guarding' and corralling you and other bw', who they see as their mules and possesions to do their bidding and provide their recources for their usage!

  7. You know what, Halima, almost all my life, I tried to do everything so I can be accepted by my own people. I notice that when I do things that predominately black ONLY, I get bored, but when I diversify it, I'm more happy. It's about DIVERSITY! It's a shame that it took me being in my early 30s to really find out about myself, and it took me being by myself to find out what my likes and dislikes are. I've been through a lot by mostly black people. The only non-black people that give me a hard time sometimes is mostly non-black women, but again, women in general barely get along with each other anyways. Yeah, a black woman that does anything that's OUTSIDE the so-called black community means that she is not under the influence of the black community to the point that she's a mule, sex slave, resource, mammy, etc. etc. etc.

  8. For the majority of my teenage and adult life I felt something was wrong with black men and the way they treated black women but evrytime I tried to talk about it with friends and family my concerns were dismissed. I am 40 years old and have known something was wrong with our community since I was a teenager WTF! Why is it taking so long for bw to realize that their lives are in danger?
    Nicole I read the things you said about your father and I am sorry that he cannot see what a beautiful and intelligent person you are trying to be my father and I were not close either and the few times I saw him he riduled me also but luckily I did not have to live with him.
    Stay away from negative people I avoid a lot of my family members and I know it makes them mad but I do not need to be upset by all the silly stuff.

  9. I don't live with my father anymore either. I don't hate him because God says to honor your mother and father, but that doesn't mean that I have to agree with everything that he says, but I still have to respect him.

    Yeah, compare to you, I'm a late bloomer. I finally realize the state of the so-called black community when I was in my mid 20s living by myself, and the reason why it took me so long is because my father had such control over me back then, so it retards my individuality, but when I moved to my apartment at 24, that's when I slowly but surely realize about myself and slowly be my own individual. It took me a LONG time, but it's worth having a piece of mind.

  10. Hey Nicole do another post soon okay and good luck on your book project.

  11. Black Nationalism is more about Black Male supremacism. I don't hate All Black men but I notice that when it comes to black issues it's always about the men. I don't see too many so called black leaders coming to the defense of black women.

    Some people even say Rihanna the young woman that was beaten by Chris Brown deserved it. Disturbing isn't it. I guess a lot of people see nothing wrong with misogyny against black women.

    We know if Rihanna was white everybody would be screaming for Chris Brown's head including some black men(irony of ironies).

    Black men who date or marry out seem to have a problem with black women dating or marrying out.

  12. Some people even say Rihanna the young woman that was beaten by Chris Brown deserved it. Disturbing isn't it. I guess a lot of people see nothing wrong with misogyny against black women.


    The crazy thing is that the only people in the industry that protected Rihanna and rooted for her was the white community. Believe me if the BC was incharge of both careers...Chris would still have one and Rihanna would be sent back to Barbados. I believe it was Evia the blogger who said that sometimes the only thing protecting bw in the BC is the police. Ain't that the truth.

    One of my close friends asked me if the public should forgive CB and have his career back. I said the public can certainly forgive him but he cannot have his career back. People forget that many of these industries (white owned) are what supports the artist such as investments with soda, cars, or gum products. CB lost it all. it's what gave him money and promoted his tours. All of that is gone. it will never come back, because the very people who are invested in these products do not want to invest on a woman beater. Hell even England banned CB from coming intot their country. You pay for your actions. He can live with it. As for Rihanna enjoy yourself sweetie, hopefully she learned from the experience.

  13. Hi Nicole.
    I'm a bit older than you and want to share some thoughts.

    I have swirled since my youthful divorce to a BM. He was decent we were simply too young-no kids, btw.

    After the divorce I started to swirl, as my tastes had always been nonconformist due to Mad Magazine. I was a New Waver all the way! But I was wise. I moved the F out of the hood asap and never looked back. You could not pay me to live in a hood, as I knew way back then, that BW aren't protected!

    Plus, I always make my dating choices on CHARACTER instead of skin color!

    And saying this in a public forum, a few members of my family slammed me for swirling. So, I moved away from them- 2000 miles to California!

    Ha. Two of my sisters are now swirling. One of my nieces was married to a WM!

    Keep doing your blog. Stay away from damaged people of all races!